We're not the Champions

Watching the first match of the World Cup, I was trying to imagine how it must feel to be the captain of Ireland or Canada, knowing you were not going to in to win, yet knowing that if you did, that day would become a national holiday in your honour. Either I saw a very vivid dream, or perhaps I have an alterego who roams the streets acting out my fantasies while I sleep, but when i woke up the next day I have the distinct memory of having spoken to the Irish captain, William Porterfield.

Oh and did I mention I had him strapped onto a lie detector. So here are the only truthful answers I squeezed out of him.

Me: So how is the whole World Cup experience for your team?

WP: Yes, it is in fact very much like you would think, The Man. By the way, I'm a huge fan of you and the Comedy Store. Coming back to the point, the World Cup is actually a great experience for us. Our country doesnt pay for our kits, we have to buy our own bats and balls. But once a year, even they loosen the strings and we get a paid vacation to England or Australia or West Indies. Thats why it sucks that we are hosting the cup this year, all we get this year is autorickshaw fare to the stadium.

Me: Interesting. What about the actual cricket?

WP: Well, I expect a fruitful World Cup. We dont really try or hope to win, unless its todays Australia, or yesterdays India, or West Indies any day. This is just excellent practice for our players. Our batsmen have been training for this day most of their lives. It is a right of passage for a batsman to manhood, every one who survives 10 overs or more in a match is declared a man and is a hit with the ladies back home. Our bowlers learn to become great gamblers, and can predict sixes and fours before they happen. They go on to fix many a match and build many a casinos. Our fielders chase so many boundaries that they become great marathon runners.

Me: It is remarkable how you bunch of losers can maintain such a positive outlook. Well, good luck to you, sir.

WP: Yeah, well, we're not that good, only about as good as India in every sport besides cricket.

Touche!!