Living with a magician

Imagine you're married to a magician. Initially, all your friends think it's a cool thing. For a month, you're the happiest woman ever. Then you realize that living with a magician might not be the best thing ever, especially if he's always practicing his tricks. Some of the problems that might arise:

1. Cards (lack of): your friends come around. You want to play a card game with them. Either you can't find any cards, because your magician husband has sliced all of them up during his practice, or he can always find the card he wants during the game, making the game imbalanced. Of course, if you're playing for money and you're in his team, the second quality might come in useful.

2. Sleep (danger): when you're sleeping, your husband comes in. He sees a woman lying down. Now, when a magician sees a woman lying down on stage, his first instinct is to cut her in two and then rejoin the halves - it's his best trick, after all! The only problem is that not too women are queueing up to let him practice on them. So he thinks he'll practice on you - after all, you'll never know. And it would be fine, but just imagine one day that he screws up. Forget a split personality, you'll have a split body.

3. Ropes: many magicians today like to be tied up and left in a tiny enclosure without food or water to make their own way out. Your husband is obviously going to request that you subject him to this at least once a week. This might be a nice thing for you (especially when you're arguing), but just think if a neighbour or friends or the police walk in. They're going to see you tying up your husband and stuffing him into a safe. If they also know you've been arguing, you might have to invent a kinky explanation to stay out of jail.

4. Invisibility (woes): magicians make things disappear and reappear. It's practically their job description. This could be useful when you have a small child who doesn't like to eat things like spinach. But then your husband starts vanishing your mom after they have an argument, or the remote control so that you can never ever watch what you want or (even worse) himself. Definitely not a good thing.

5. No more rabbits as pets: for a magician, a rabbit is not to be kept in a cage, happily munching away at its carrots. It's to be enclosed in a hat so that it can't be seen, and is then to be pulled out by its ears. Would you want that to happen to your pet? The SPCA or PETA would probably arrest you, as well.

6. Bullet point: as his trick of the night, your husband will often catch a bullet within his teeth or in his hand. This is great, but for practice he needs someone to point a gun at him and pull the trigger. 99 nights, he catches it. The hundredth, not so much. As you stare down at his body, you can just see how you'll defend yourself in court: "Well, your honour, you see, my husband and I had this game where we shot at each other. I've done it lots of times before. He could always protect himself before. Today, he was too slow..."


To summarize, magic can be an interesting and amusing thing. If you want to see some real magic happening on stage, check out the theatrical comedy "It's a kind of magic' playing at the Comedy Store, Mumbai, this weekend.