I think that Muammar Gaddafi, Libyan dictator, should be Man of the Year. I really do - he should get some sort of lifetime achievement Man of the Year award. Sadly, no one else will see why this makes sense, and it will never happen. But still, I will try to convince you.
Celebrating the accomplishments of the true Man of the Year, Muammar Gaddafi.
We all know his awesome heroics, valiantly battling evil hordes of poorly armed civilians, with just a few hundred tanks and battalions. We all know his dedication to his country, having served as a guardian of Libya for over 42 years, and getting only a few billion dollars in return. We all know his handsome chiseled face, he was once voted the sexiest genocidal dictator alive by Crime magazine. If these weren't enough, I will tell you some of the lesser known exploits of this amazing man.
#1 Being the longest serving head of a state without having rigged a single election - mainly because there weren't too many, and some opponents inexplicably and sadly died just before the election
#2 Promoting female empowerment by constituting a 40 member all-female all-virgin all-kickass bodyguard contingent, long before Charlie even thought of recruiting three angels
#3 For having lost every single military action he ever undertook: the Chad-Libya wars, the UK/Germany/NZ terrorist attacks, and for being attacked by the US twice
#4 Having special knowledge of medicine not granted to other mortals: he once said that HIV was a peaceful virus, not an aggressive virus. He is also extremely logical and politically correct, having said: "if you are straight you have nothing to fear from AIDS"
#5 Being so awesome he spells his name in over 112 ways in English alone, using most of the letters, even Q. Now that's a man to play Scrabble with - he'll change the rules to make all the spellings of his name legal, and they're all seven letters long, and he'll kill you if you win
#6 Being a published author, writing the Green Book which, among other controversial things, claimed that women (like men) are also humans! The book has been the number 1 bestseller in Libya for 35 consecutive years
#7 Showing the foresight required of a true global leader when, angered at the arrest of his son, Hannibal Gaddafi, by the Geneva police, he called for the dissolution of Switzerland and redistribution of its among France, Italy and Germany
#8 Being education focussed (ignore recent student-killing events) by cancelling school vacations in summer 1973 to allow for the teaching of his ideology
#9 Showing a willingness to waste public money rivalling that of Mayawati when he started the Libyan National Telescope Project, costing nearly 10 million euros, just because of his passionate interest in astronomy. I am sure this was enthusiastically acclaimed by his subjects - when you are hungry and oppressed, a telescope is the one thing that can solve all your problems
#10 Purchasing a 7.5% share in Juventus Football Club for $21 million, like any sensible head of state. Are not public funds the property of every man, especially the dictator?
Celebrating the accomplishments of the true Man of the Year, Muammar Gaddafi.
We all know his awesome heroics, valiantly battling evil hordes of poorly armed civilians, with just a few hundred tanks and battalions. We all know his dedication to his country, having served as a guardian of Libya for over 42 years, and getting only a few billion dollars in return. We all know his handsome chiseled face, he was once voted the sexiest genocidal dictator alive by Crime magazine. If these weren't enough, I will tell you some of the lesser known exploits of this amazing man.
#1 Being the longest serving head of a state without having rigged a single election - mainly because there weren't too many, and some opponents inexplicably and sadly died just before the election
#2 Promoting female empowerment by constituting a 40 member all-female all-virgin all-kickass bodyguard contingent, long before Charlie even thought of recruiting three angels
#3 For having lost every single military action he ever undertook: the Chad-Libya wars, the UK/Germany/NZ terrorist attacks, and for being attacked by the US twice
#4 Having special knowledge of medicine not granted to other mortals: he once said that HIV was a peaceful virus, not an aggressive virus. He is also extremely logical and politically correct, having said: "if you are straight you have nothing to fear from AIDS"
#5 Being so awesome he spells his name in over 112 ways in English alone, using most of the letters, even Q. Now that's a man to play Scrabble with - he'll change the rules to make all the spellings of his name legal, and they're all seven letters long, and he'll kill you if you win
#6 Being a published author, writing the Green Book which, among other controversial things, claimed that women (like men) are also humans! The book has been the number 1 bestseller in Libya for 35 consecutive years
#7 Showing the foresight required of a true global leader when, angered at the arrest of his son, Hannibal Gaddafi, by the Geneva police, he called for the dissolution of Switzerland and redistribution of its among France, Italy and Germany
#8 Being education focussed (ignore recent student-killing events) by cancelling school vacations in summer 1973 to allow for the teaching of his ideology
#9 Showing a willingness to waste public money rivalling that of Mayawati when he started the Libyan National Telescope Project, costing nearly 10 million euros, just because of his passionate interest in astronomy. I am sure this was enthusiastically acclaimed by his subjects - when you are hungry and oppressed, a telescope is the one thing that can solve all your problems
#10 Purchasing a 7.5% share in Juventus Football Club for $21 million, like any sensible head of state. Are not public funds the property of every man, especially the dictator?
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